so...i am uber excited about this friday for going to prez ball with all of my friends i had to leave behind...and they i am very uber excited for march fifth! my roommate and i are going to see alice in wonderland in imax 3-d. we are dressed up as the mad hatter and the snow white queen, (thats me!)

Sorry for my delay.
I have not done my duty and I have failed >.<
I'M NOT WORTHY!!
*beats himself up*
Alright I am late but I shall do my duty again!.

TIME HEALS ALL, EXCEPT FOR CRABS!....*whispers* That shit you can never get rid of.
I am sorry to hear about all that has happen.
But everyone has their time, I have mine and you have yours.
Some are shorter than others, but there is always a plan for everyone.
Crying is healthy.
It's a proven fact.
Funeral's do suck, I went for my great grandpa, we were really close but one thing he did say before he passed was.
"Kyle I'm not going to be here for very long, but always remember I will be watching you and make me proud."
Now in return I spoke, "That's sick why watch me in the bathroom!?"
Now I joke around with him alot but always remember.
They are with you, and its your job to make them proud of you.
That's what will make them truly happy, and make you happy as well.

Now this is long than most post I have made for you but I hope I am helping.

PLUS!
I HAve you pee right now!
But I figure I would let you know.

AND
I'm still here >.<

AND
I Gotta go now or I'm going to wet myself!

CRAP!
I dribbled >.<!
HAHAHA

http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/arti ... 01/2100321

latest news in what has happened....i want him dead! i want him to suffer!

oh me.... death is to good for some one that would do something like that. He needs to suffer for the rest of his mistral existence, I thought of some nasty things to do to people before. Often times I think that I am sick and twisted and that the things I think of would is far to sick to do to any one. Reading that, makes me think that they are not enough now.

2-18-10

i sit in the hallway of my next class and i feel almost ill with my sadness, i thought i was moving on,silently grieving but no i am still holding back the burning tears and trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other. i saw her picture today and yesterday and i broke down completely, she is so beautiful, her smile makes me miss her all the more. i am holding a candle light vigil this weekend at my house for her, hoping that it will help me, make things easier,help me grieve and move on.

3-6-10

i am foolish. i should not believe things that my heat tells me are ok when my head knows that it is entirely wrong! i heard sweet words, spoken by a voice that cared for me at one time,perhaps not in the strong, love type way,but as a good friend and then....as i toss and turn, thinking over what was said, the surrounding circumstances...my heart is light with shy happiness but my head is screaming at me to stfu and forget about it. i find today that my head was completely correct, those words were never meant for me and it shouldn't hurt but it does, just a bit.

Cut my life into pieces,
This is my last resort.
Suffocation,
No breathing,
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding.

This is my last resort.

Cut my life into pieces.
I've reached my last resort,
Suffocation,
No breathing.
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding.
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight?
Chances are that I might.
Mutilation out of sight,
And I'm contemplating suicide.

'Cause I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.
Losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.

I never realized I was spread too thin,
Till it was too late,
And I was empty within,
Hungry,
Feeding on chaos,
And living in sin.
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother,
No love for myself,
And no love for another.
Searching to find a love up on a higher level.
Finding nothing but questions and devils.

grate song one of my favorites

4/10/10

so, i havent posted in a while,but i just realized i should have seeing as this is my way of venting and getting things off my mind when they weigh so heavily on it most of the time. lately i have been so stressed out and last week i started going back into my depression from last school semester where i was feeling like i was a useless piece of crap that failed at everything i tried, and i was feeling like i was letting my family down once more,wasting more time and money on something thats never going to happen. got into a big fight with my mom over it and she wouldn't talk to me for a few days. we are ok now, i think...she came up to see me today and took me to the mall, just to hang out and have a stress free day. treading carefully with my love life as i have messed up like...oh lets see A LOT lately when it comes to that. i am trying my hardest to make amends for what happened but i dont know, that could be a very long time. i have really needed to be held lately, it sucks but there is nothing i can do about it. i am counting down the days until summer gets here so that i may finally see my love. i really dont know what else i can say at the moment, except i should try to vent on here more often.

4/15/10

so, i just got back from the doctors a bit ago and life throws another curve ball my way. i have the beginnings of an inner ear infection,my sinus/allergies are moving into my lungs and i have asthma to make it worse. they gave me stuff they said would get rid of it, but according to my mom it has never worked for me in the past but we shall see what happens. in the mean time, i still have finals to overcome next week, math,tap and cls, so crossing my fingers i pass, oh wait i have a four page research paper due by Thursday for English comp as well.

Don’t worry your not alone
Baby those days are gone
I promise you it’ll get better (better)
Corazon a corazon
Sometimes I just don’t get it
And I don’t know why
Your heart all up in it
And it still don’t fly
Girl I know- yeah I know
Sometimes your feeling so low
When you gotta maintain
Nine out of ten
Run the same game
Girl I know- yeah I know

so....after all i thought i was doing better, crying less and thinking of her less but no, my heart is still in pieces and i want to kill him! i cant stand the fact that he could just take a life and feel nothing! i hate him i hate him i hate him! i want him to suffer so much! shes never coming back and it hurts so much.

8/3/10

so this is coming a little late, but i just didnt have the heart to put it up here just then. two days ago the love of my life, shattered my heart into a million pieces and left me hanging,saying only that his feelings for me had changed (this is after i spent a lot of money to visit him and his family, and gave him my all) so...needless to say i am absolutely broken and cant figure out what the hell it is that changed.....it hurts so very bad and i still cant wrap my mind around the fact that the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the one who only days before he broke up with me told me that he planned on proposing to me in a few years, turns around and tears me to bits. so i play this song now for my broken mind,body and spirit.

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
so much more
I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

I want to die!!!

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

8/9/10

so....lately ive been a bit of a medical disaster, in that i have had so many medical problems. 1)my ankle, the tendons in it have been strained. but nothing can be done about it 2) my wrist with its messed up tendons is acting up lately from extra exertion at work. 3) i started having chest pains and strange things happening with my pulse and asthma to the point i started choking.
but i think the worst was Friday night, my moms birthday dinner,we were about to leave when my grandparents called and said they needed us to come to the hospital right away. seems my grandpa missed the board he was cutting and nearly chopped his thumb off.....*sighs* at least my job seems to be going well, and my charity work is well on its way to getting off the ground but my heart remains the same as before, shattered and beyond repair.

We both lie silently still
In the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did
Did my words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say

[Chorus:]
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Yeah it does
I listen to our favorite song
Playing on the radio
Hear the DJ say loves a game of easy come and easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know that you'd be here right now
If I could let you know somehow
I guess

[Chorus]
Miley Cyrus Every Rose Has Its Thorn lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com.com/miley-c ... yrics.html
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
But the scar, that scar will remain

[Solo]

I know I could saved a love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways

And now I hear you found somebody new
And that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
I guess

[Chorus]
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn